With the advent of summer end up the realisation that you’re not actually a goth and you have to bare some kinfolk. Then comes a further realisation that, when matched with the steroid-fed lot on reality TV, your body does not join up to the modern man. You are not, simply put, Vin Diesel starring in a remake of The Incredible Klutz. Thank the god of hiding-in-the-shadows that, this season, patterned shorts are in. Eulogistic news for those of us who want to detract from leg SOS situations such as knobbly knees and weirdly calvous patches of shin.